Empowered lives have one thing in common. They all require change. As a life coach, I’ve helped clients make personal and professional changes for more than 15 years, and I’ve come to believe that change itself is a little bit like an earthquake. (Which most of us prefer to avoid.) Some shifts are little. Some are seismic. All of them shake you right to your core.
Think about the changes you’ve attempted to make throughout your life. Have yours stuck? If they haven’t, you’re not alone. Research shows us that by February 1st a whopping 80 percent of new year’s resolutions have been broken. While that statistic can feel a bit daunting, you don’t have to be part of the 80 percent.
Maybe you’re the one initiating change as you go for something you really want. (If so, you go girl!) Or perhaps you’re on the receiving end of an unwelcome and unwanted change. (If so, I’m sorry. That’s so hard.)
No matter how you got here, if you’re flailing around in the change zone trying to figure out how to make it through, I can help. (And don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re totally normal flailing around in there.) In our current episode of GrooveTV I’ll show you how to navigate change like a champ. Press PLAY already. Let’s kick some resolution booty, shall we?
Step 1 – Name your stage
There’s a process to change. The one I use with clients has four parts. Each has it’s own distinctive circumstances and set of emotions.
- Stage One: Status quo. Life is happening as it usually does.
- Stage Two: Disruption. A foreign element is introduced. Either you decide to make a change or a change is visited upon you.
- Stage Three: Adjustment. This is the messy part where you have to find your way through the disruption in order to arrive at a new status quo. Uncertainty thrives in this stage. This is also where most people quit.
- Stage Four: New Normal. This is where you arrive at your new status quo. If you do the whole process awake and with intention your new normal can be pretty amazing too.
Which stage are you in right now? The act of defining where you’re at can give you a sense of control. (It’s kinda like creating a little bit of certainty right in the face of all that uncertainty you’ve been feeling.)
The thing about feelings and change, is that every phase can feel pretty terrible. Even if the change you’re making is one you really want.
There’s this false notion that when you’re going for your dreams or when something good happens to you, you’re not supposed to feel difficult feelings. But that’s just not true.
If you’re in change you’re going to feel bad sometimes. That doesn’t mean the change you’re making is wrong. When your feelings come calling, open the door. They have messages for you. LISTEN. You CAN handle whatever you discover.
Okay, that was the hardest part. This next step feels great. (Thank goodness, right?)
Step 2 – Connect with your new normal.
Now it’s time to dream a little bit. What do you want your new normal to look like? I want you to develop a vision for what you want, along with emotional conviction around why you want it. (I know, back to those feelings again.)
You can have almost anything you want if you’re willing to work for it. (That’s the tricky part, of course. Working for it is not for the faint of heart.) You’re going to meet some rough times on the path to claim your dreams. When the going gets tough, the vision you hold for your new normal will fuel you, and your why will propel you forward.
Sounds pretty good, right? Let’s get you some. First, what do you envision for your new normal? (Get started with just one question, or answer them all.)
- Who are your people? Who do you love and who loves you back? Who do you work with? Who do you belong with?
- What is your work in the world? How do you contribute each day?
- What do your home look and feel like? How about your work environment?
- What does your financial life look like? Are you abundant?
- What do your daily routines look like? What are your top 3 habits?
- How do you feel? What are the 5 emotions you experience each day?
- Are you connected to yourself, and to something beyond yourself? Do you have a spiritual practice?
To get the why part we ask these ones.
- Who will benefit when you create your new normal?
- How will your new normal contribute to others?
- How will you living into your new normal serve a greater purpose or connect you with a higher calling?
- How will living in your new normal help you grow and evolve?
You can replace the uncertainty of change with bedrock certainty when you define your new normal and connect with your why. (I do it every day.) Give it a shot, and let me know how it goes.
Now, let’s talk action…
Step 3 – Focus on forward movement.
Most people don’t make changes because they’re more focused on what they have to give up than they are on what they have to gain.
Another uncomfortable part of change, is that it always involves giving something up. You can’t bring everything (or everyone) with you to your new normal. To get there you’re going to have to leave some things behind. There is no negotiation here. For every get there is a give, and that can be really difficult.
It’s normal to grieve the loss of whatever isn’t coming with you. (Even if what you’re leaving behind was mediocre or not really that good for you.) It hurts to say goodbye. But you CAN do it.
If you want to arrive happily at your new normal, you need to learn to manage your focus. Focus is a superpower. Your brain is like a computer. It pays attention to what you tell it matters. (Think of it like a giant Google that serves up whatever you search for.)
When you’re in the change zone there are two ways to focus. You can think about how things used to be (and be sad and stuck), or you can manage your focus and laser in on what you need to do to make your new normal a reality. (Which feels way better.) There’s a movement part that comes into play here too.
You behave your way into the life you want.
In other words, it’s time for you to get into action. Don’t worry. You don’t need gobs of time or a master plan. I just want you to take one little baby step toward your goals every day. Those little baby steps build on one another, and they create this magical thing called momentum.
Before you know it, you’ll find yourself smack dab in the middle of your very own new normal. And you’ll be a change master (who just happens to be living in the 20 percent). ☺
That’s it for the week. Remember that I never want you to blindly take my word for anything. Only you know what’s right for you. I just happen to have a few coaching tools that can help you get closer to that wisdom. Give this lesson’s advice a test drive in your life, and let me know how it goes. There are three ways for us to interact.
- Comment in the comments section below.
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- Email me if you have something more private you’d like to ask. My personal email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m the only one reading your messages, and it’s always me answering them.
My mission is your empowerment. That’s why I’m here. If you haven’t already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.
And you got this!