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Get Your Groove Back

How to Get Unstuck

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If you’re human, you’ve probably been stuck a time or two. In fact, if you’re reading this, there’s a good bet you’re stuck on something right now. (If that’s the case, please keep reading. I can help.)

Being stuck is exhausting, because even though you’re not actually getting anywhere, you’re in constant emotional motion. You see, stuck comes with it’s own playlist of dark feelings.

In the beginning, you might be frustrated, impatient, or indignant. Eventually, after fighting stuck for a while, you transition to feeling angry, sad, and possibly even hopeless.

Stuck-ness involves struggle and repetition. Maybe you’re having the same argument over and over again with your spouse (or boss, or parent, or child) where you talk the problem to death, but you can’t seem to solve it. Or the same kind of person could be showing up in in your life again and again, derailing you with their drama and distraction.

You could be in the worst of stuck, where you’ve fallen into a self-defeating pattern. This is the stuck where you’re doing something that isn’t good for you (or your life). You know your behavior is in conflict with what you say you want. You know it’s not good for you. But you keep doing it anyway.

Maybe you’re spending money you don’t have, or you’re procrastinating and avoiding doing what needs to be done to move your life forward. You could be self-harming. Maybe you’re drinking or popping a pill to numb out, pounding bags of Doritos to comfort yourself, or confusing sex with love (and therefore having quite a lot of it).

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How to set a boundary.

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With the holidays upon us, I thought it would be appropriate to have a discussion about boundaries. Because the truth of the matter is this. Your to-do list is about to birth holiday quadruplets, and your schedule now includes a ton of time with extended family. (And that is not always easy.)

Family is the source of so much love and support. It can also be the source of a great deal of angst and unnecessary drama. We’re all spoon fed this picture of holiday bliss and togetherness (especially now that we live in a social media age), but in my work as a life coach, I’ve found that family stories are a lot more complicated than that.

Everyone has a rulebook they use for life. Your rules tell you what’s okay, and what’s not okay. They guide your behavior, and they dictate what you expect from other people. This would work great if everyone played by the same rules, but (of course) that’s not how it works. People’s rules for life differ as much as people do.

When you think about rules in this way, it makes sense that gathering a large group of people together (even when they love each other) is going to result in some level of dysfunction and conflict, doesn’t it? While there’s little you can do to control the presence of challenging circumstances, you are totally in control of how you respond to them.

I want you to respond on purpose, so today I’m going to teach you how to set boundaries. A boundary is a behavioral fence. It helps you define limits for others, and it helps others define limits for you.

Hear me now. Relationships without boundaries do not work. They create misunderstandings, and breed resentment. (So it’s really important that you deal with setting boundaries, even if it makes you uncomfortable.) Let’s master boundaries in our current episode of GrooveTV. Press PLAY already. You’re in charge of you, remember? Read More

How To Get Motivated

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You know that thing you want? (It’s the one you keep fantasizing about and wishing for.) You can have it. You really can, and it will be just as fantastic as you keep imagining. There’s a catch. (Of course.) You can’t think your way into a fantasy-come-true life. You have to behave your way there. You have to live for the life you want. (I can show you how to do that. Keep reading.)

The unpleasant truth about lost dreams is that most people don’t have what they want because they aren’t willing to do what needs to be done to have it. (Ouch, right?) Big accomplishments ask for big behavior. They require your engagement, your effort, and your consistency.

To have what you want, you’re going to need to do some things you don’t want to do. (Probably a lot of them actually.) You’re also going to be uncomfortable more times than you can count. You’re going to have to stretch and grow. While that’s simple (if somewhat unpleasant) to understand, it’s not an easy thing to do. Motivation can help you do it.

Motivation is an energy that helps you buckle down and do what needs to be done (even when you REALLY don’t want to do it). Motivation is an internal fuel that pushes you through blocks, and pulls you into those fantasies-come-true I mentioned earlier. You CAN have your dream life. Motivation can help you claim it, and in our current episode of GrooveTV we’re gonna get you some. Press PLAY already. Your mojo is waiting. ☺

We’ll handle this in three simple steps. (Like always.) Here we go… Read More

How to put the passion back into your life.

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When was the last time you felt passionate?

I’m not talking about sexual passion. (Though that’s what most people think about when the word is used.) I’m talking life passion. When you have passion in your life, you wake up excited about the day ahead of you, and you take on projects with enthusiasm. With passion in your heart, you become the girl who goes for it. (Even when you’re going for daunting or difficult things.)

A passionate you is a powerful you, but if you’re like most women, you probably haven’t felt the fire in a long time. (It’s tough to feel passionate when you’re drowning in your own life, isn’t it?) If you’re deep in the drowning part right now, you may doubt that passion is possible for you, but that’s not true.

Passion is possible for you, and you can claim it today. (I promise it’s true. Keep reading.)

The topic of passion itself can feel tough to grasp. What’s the big deal anyway? Who cares if you have it? What difference does it make? The thing is, it can make a pretty big difference. You see, a life without passion can turn you into a member of the Walking Dead. (In case you haven’t watched the popular show, those are flesh-eating zombies I’m referring to. Super fun to watch on TV. Super stinky to live like one.)

If you’re stuck in zombie land, living on autopilot, going through the motions, and just trying to make it through the day, this blog is for you. A life without passion is a life without joy. You deserve so much better than that. Let’s go claim your better right now, okay? In our current episode of GrooveTV we’re gonna create your very own passion formula. Press PLAY already. Let’s light your fire. It’s time.

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How To Ditch The Drama In Your Life

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If your life isn’t working the way you want it to, there’s a pretty good bet you’re part of the problem. I know that sounds harsh, but I’m here to give it to you straight. So let’s talk straight.

If you’re doing drama, you’re creating problems in your life that don’t need to be there. Drama drains your life force. At its essence, drama is a distraction. It asks you to focus on things that don’t matter, creates emotional turmoil, and feeds off of your energy like a parasite. (Gross, right?)

Drama is a self-inflicted wound. It’s also an addictive cycle that keeps you depleted, stuck, and spinning around in a dark little vortex, feeling sorry for yourself, making people uncomfortable, and destroying your dreams.

I want you to stop it. (For real. Knock it off. You’re better than that.)

I wish I could tell you I know so much about drama because I’m a life coach. (And that does help.) But the truth of the matter is a little more uncomfortable than that. I know drama because I used do drama. (On like an epic scale.)

Because I’ve lived the drama cycle, I know that it does much more than just keep you stuck. Drama HURTS. When you’re in it, you feel anxious, unhinged, angry, and upset. You obsess. You stew. You play out little scenes in your mind where you really let so-and-so have it. (I used to run movies in my head.) At times it can even feel like you’re coming out of your own skin.

You don’t have to feel this way anymore.
Empowered women don’t do drama. You’re on the path to becoming an empowered woman, so let’s ditch that drama of yours, okay? In this week’s episode of GrooveTV I’m gonna show you how in 3 simple steps. Press PLAY already, and leave your drama in the dust. (Seriously, can you hear Mary J?) Read More

How To Make Guilt Work For You

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How often do you feel guilty?

A recent poll of parents found that both moms and dads feel guilt an average of 23 times per week. (Wow, right?) How about this stat – another survey of women found that moms feel guilt EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What about you? Are you in the guilty-every-single-day club? (It’s not really a club you would have joined on purpose, is it?) While you probably can’t get out of your membership, guilt doesn’t have to make you miserable. In today’s blog, and in our current episode of GrooveTV, I’ll teach you how to make guilt work for you.

Step 1: Understand the science of guilt.

Before we talk about how to manage guilt, let’s talk about why it’s important for you to take control of it. We begin with the obvious. Guilt feels terrible. (But you already knew that, right?)

Unfortunately, it gets much worse than just feeling bad. Guilt produces a stress response in your body, which weakens your immune system, reduces your libido, and MAKES YOU FAT. (I have your attention now, don’t I?)

There is science to how this happens. When your guilt is triggered, your body releases cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Cortisol is designed to help you with the flight part of a fight-or-flight response. But when you don’t really need to run from the saber toothed tiger (because he’s only chasing you in your head) you basically jack-up your biochemistry. (That’s a scientific description.) Read More

Who are you? How to navigate the ins and outs of identity

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Who are you? That’s a pretty loaded question, isn’t it? When you attempt to answer it, you probably refer to your identity, which is your sense of self. It’s the sum total of your personality, interests, likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses all rolled up into one lovely complicated package. Your identity is how you think about and see yourself.

Throughout your life, you’ll go through many changes. (And if you’re part of my free coaching program, you’re definitely gonna shake things up.) The thing is, all that shaking and changing impacts your identity. And that can feel FREAKY.

In fact, when you’re going through your own changing times, you can feel like you’re coming unglued. (You kind of are.) Change causes pieces of you to shift. Think of it like an identity earthquake. You’re going to live through it, but you’re probably not gonna like it very much.

It’s important to get your arms around your sense of identity, because it impacts how you show up in the world. It even determines whether or not you succeed in making positive changes in your life.

You see, you cannot behave outside of your identity. You always act in accordance with who you think you are. Which means you have to line the way you see yourself up with the changes you’re making if you want them to stick. (How hard do you think following a nutrition plan is going to be if you keep reminding yourself that you’re a junk-food-junkie with no food discipline?)

In our current episode of GrooveTV I’ll show you how identity works, and help you put your finger on where yours is shifting (or where it might need to). Armed with that information, you’ll be more sure-footed as you make your way down your own path of change. As an added bonus, you’ll also feel a little bit less like you’re losing your mind. Press PLAY already. Your sanity awaits. ☺ Read More

How To Connect With Your Power

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You are powerful.

Seriously. You are. In fact, you have the power to make your dreams come true, and turn your life into everything you want it to be. But I know you don’t feel that way most of the time.

Much of the time it probably feels like you were absent the day they handed out power. (Or at least like you missed the part with instructions on how to use it.) Today I’m going to introduce you to the power you’ve had your whole life, and this time we’re gonna get specific about the how-to-use-it part.

Power itself is a misunderstood concept. It’s sometimes confused with position or wealth. (When I used to think about power, I pictured a bunch of old, fat, white guys, which made it kinda hard to relate.) But that’s not what power is. Power is your ability to impact or influence things. And you have that capacity in spades.

There are three foundational building blocks of power. You already use them every day, but there’s a pretty good bet you use them unconsciously. They are; what you think, what you say, and what you do. The way you manage these fundamentals forms the basis of your power in the world.

In this week’s episode of GrooveTV I’ll teach you how to use your power on purpose. You CAN have more of what you want in your life, (and less of what you don’t). Take 5 minutes to learn about these principles, and you won’t ever have to feel powerless again. (Think of this like a little workshop on control, right at your fingertips.) Press PLAY already, and let’s unleash that power of yours, shall we?
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Yes you DO know. How to listen to yourself.

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There is an obstacle standing between you and what you want. It’s you. Pretending you don’t know what you want.

You know.

In fact, there’s a wisdom within you that always knows. This authentic understanding is available to you on-demand. You can tap into it at any time. The trouble (of course) is that no one ever taught you to tap into it, right?

Happily, the tapping itself is a simple process. I’ll walk you through it in our current episode of GrooveTV. Before we do that, let’s talk about the reasons you avoid knowing.

It’s possible your wisdom is buried deep down inside of you, waiting to get your attention as you run through life. Or you could be denying what you want because you aren’t sure you really deserve to have it. (If that’s the case, check out my blog Know Your Worth. It can help.)

What’s more likely (and what I’ve helped countless clients break through) is that you’re pretending you don’t know (when we both know you do) because you’re afraid you’re going to have to do something about what you know once you acknowledge it.

Admitting you don’t like your job probably means you’ll need to look for a new one sooner or later. Acknowledging your disappointment with your marriage could lead to marital trouble (or even divorce). And who wants that? Owning your self-destructive behavior might mean you have to finally clean up your act, right? Wrong.

What if I told you that you can know a thing without doing anything about what you know? You can.

In fact, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to simply hang out with your truth once you know it, without doing anything about it at all. This is the approach I take when I’m working with a 1×1 coaching client. We start the practice of knowing by stepping into a place I call the Land of Just Knowing.

This magical land is just like it sounds. When you visit, you are allowed to let yourself know (whatever it is that needs to be known) without any pressure to act on what you discover.

In this land, the knowing itself is the goal. There are no action plans or big terrifying life changes allowed here. You’re just acknowledging truth, and getting used to what it feels like again.

Let’s visit the Land of Just Knowing right now, shall we? Listening to yourself is a life saving skill. I’ll teach you how to do it in 3 simple steps. Press PLAY already. Your wisdom is waiting.

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Resent Much? How to Let Go of a Grudge.

By | Get Your Groove Back | 16 Comments | Leave A Comment

I’m willing to bet there’s at least one person in your life that causes you a great deal of angst. This is a person you don’t like very much, yet your circumstances require you to be around them (or to hear about them or to have to deal with them). Think co-worker, family member, or friend of a friend (who’s really a frenemy).

I call this person your anti-person. (The exact opposite of your person.) You know what’s interesting? I’ve been working as a women’s empowerment coach for 14 years, and I’ve never worked with a sister who hadn’t experienced an anti-person. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance you’re already thinking about yours as you read these words. (If so, please keep reading. I can help.)

The problem with anti-people is less about the fact that they’re in your life (although that is monumentally irritating). The problem with the anti-person is that they trigger you to enter a very unhappy zone called the grudge.

A grudge is a feeling of ill will or resentment against someone because of something they’ve done to you (or something you think they’ve done to you). It’s unexpressed, repressed emotional energy.

You may think that if you hold your tongue, stuff your feelings and pretend everything is okay (even when it’s not) things will eventually be okay. But they won’t. That’s not how it works.

Ignored emotions, don’t go away. The energy of them has to go somewhere. When not expressed, they get stored in your body, where they fester and become toxic. Repressed emotions land you in the vortex of the grudge. You do not want to be in this place.

A grudge is emotional cancer. It will take over your whole life and color it dark. It will literally steal your life force. Read More