I know your secret.
You doubt yourself.
All. The. Time.
You think doubt stops you from going for your dreams, and it does. But that’s not all it does. Doubt rides co-pilot with you all day long. It stops you before you speak up in meetings. It muzzles you before you ask for what you want. It shuts you down at the first hint of excitement. It silences you. It makes you anxious. It keeps you small.
Aren’t you over it yet? I am! In fact I’m so over it for you that today I’m going to show you how to stop doubting on yourself once and for all.
Doubt gets smaller when self-belief gets bigger. So the secret to diminishing doubt is to build up belief. That sounds complicated, but it’s super simple. You behave your way into believing in you. Do it in 3 steps.
Step 1 – Watch your language.
Step 2 – BE someone you can count on.
Step 3 – Handle your business.
Step 1 – Watch your language.
How do you talk to you? Would you say some of the things your inside voice whispers to someone you loved? Would you even say those things to someone you disliked? (I know – it’s a major wince moment when you realize that no – you actually would not talk to someone you disliked the way you talk to yourself).
Your voice is very powerful. If you want to build self-belief you need to watch how you use it.
If you’re constantly telling yourself you aren’t capable, never finish what you start, are too old, too fat, or blah, blah, blah there is some small part of you that’s going to start believing the load of crap you’re feeding yourself.
Imagine you’re teaching a 7-year-old girl how to ride a bike. You know she’s not going to get it the first time. In fact, you’re pretty sure she’s going to fall down – over and over again. Are you going to tell her how much she sucks each time she falls? Are you going to tell her she’s not athletic and she’ll never get it? Of course not!
You’re going to encourage her. You’re going to help her pick up her bike. You’re going to wipe the tears from her face, and tell her she can do it. You’re going to cheer her on.
What would happen to your life if you started talking to yourself like this 7-year-old girl? What would happen if you became your biggest cheerleader? How amazing would life be if you shut your critic down and started being an encourager? It’s time. Starting right here and right now, I want you to be nice to you. Period.
I even have a little coaching trick for you to condition this new be-nice-to-yourself concept. Get a hairband. Put it on your wrist. Wear it for one week. Every time you notice it on your wrist do a little check-in. Are you being nice to you? If so, celebrate! If not, don’t beat yourself up. Just start being nice again. ☺
Step 2 –BE someone you can count on!
Are you someone who flakes or someone who follows through? Being someone you can count on requires follow through.
Have you ever had a friend who made plans with you, and then always cancelled or pulled a no show at the last minute? Think about it, even if she meant well, sooner or later you got tired of that friend, right? She’s wasn’t reliable. You learned that you couldn’t count on her. Drumroll please…are you being that friend?
You cannot continually flake on yourself and hope to build self-belief, because the cornerstone of belief is trust. To believe in yourself you must trust yourself. To trust yourself must become someone you can rely on.
You can learn to be someone you can count on. Start by noticing when you’re not showing up that way. A trick I use with coaching clients is the coffee cup test. Get a regular coffee cup and a handful of coins. (It doesn’t matter what the value of the coins are. All varieties work).
For one week, every time you follow through for yourself, put a coin in the cup. Every time you flake, take 2 coins out of the cup. Do this for 7 days. At the end of the week, how many coins do you have? If your cup runneth over – rock on. You’ve got this follow through thing down. And what if you can still see the bottom of your cup? Busted. Stop flaking. Start following through. You’re worth it.
Step 3 – Handle your business.
I have some bad news for you. You are no longer a child. You are a full-fledged grown up, and certain truths accompany that reality. Chiefly, in order to have what you want, you are –at times – going to have to do things you don’t want to do. I wish it wasn’t so, but that is the truth of the matter.
Where are you avoiding, procrastinating, and otherwise ignoring your grown up responsibilities? Do you avoid opening mail, paying bills, and balancing your checkbook? This is a recipe for major financial doubt. Do you put off work projects until the very last minute? This bad habit creates work doubt. Do you put off conversations that you know you need to have because you don’t want to be uncomfortable? You got it – you’re creating relationship doubt.
When you feel like you can’t manage your own life you will doubt yourself. The only way out of this trap is to roll your sleeves up and manage your life already. To do it you need to start acting like a grown up. I call this adult-ing, and it’s just like it sounds. You’ve heard the line about your big girl panties. Time to put them on, and start acting like a grown up my sister.
Pick one area of your life where you’ve got a mess to deal with. Pick the easiest area. We want to build your confidence muscles. Over the next week, show up every day for 15 minutes a day. (Come on – you can do anything for 15 minutes). That’s it. Put your phone timer on and make some progress. What you do matters less than that you do it. The point here is to show yourself that you’ve got what it takes to get your business handled. (You do you know).
You are a force. You are a power. You have work to do in the world. There is no more room for doubt at your table. Send her packing and set a place for belief instead. She’s a much nicer companion.
That’s it for the week. Remember that I never want you to blindly take my word for anything. Only you know what’s right for you. I just happen to have a few coaching tools that can help you get closer to that wisdom. Give this lesson’s advice a test drive in your life, and let me know how it goes. There are three ways for us to interact.
- Comment in the comments section below.
- Chat with me on on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
- Email me if you have something more private you’d like to ask. My personal email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m the only one reading your messages, and it’s always me answering them.
My mission is your empowerment. That’s why I’m here. If you haven’t already joined my community, please do it by entering your email (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.
And you got this!