Do you ever catch yourself scrolling through social media feeling a little bit jealous?
Susie has an amazing family. Josh is killing it at work. Lisa and George just bought a new house. Kayla is so fit, and look at Tina’s gorgeous family.
It’s not that you aren’t happy for them. You are happy for them. It’s just that you want a little bit of what they have (or what you think they have). You wonder why they have what you don’t. What’s so special about them?
Are they more educated or talented than you? Did they have more advantages in their childhood? Possibly, but that’s not the reason they have something you don’t. That’s because they’re doing things you’re not doing.
I’ve been working as a life coach focused on women’s empowerment for more than a decade. My job is to help my clients get what they want. I do it by working three steps with them.
These three steps can help you create almost any result you want in your life. In this week’s video coaching session we’ll walk through them together. Press PLAY already. Aren’t you tired of wanting?
Step 1: Develop a vision for your life.
What do you want?
Most people don’t set time aside to answer this question. They just charge headlong into the day, and wonder why they aren’t getting the results they want.
You can’t hit a target you don’t define. #GetYourGrooveBack
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When you don’t have a vision, it’s easy to get pulled in a million different directions. Think of it like a life treadmill. You’re moving, but you’re getting anywhere. You’re working really hard to stay in the same place.
A life vision helps you step off of the treadmill. Your picture of what you want functions like a personal true north. When you need to make a choice about how you spend your time, attention or energy, referring to your vision helps you make one that carries you forward.
This doesn’t have to be a complicated process. No weekend retreat is required, and you don’t have to meditate every day. (Though I’m a fan of both). You just need to ask and answer five questions.
- What do you want for your relationships?
- What do you want for your money and financial security?
- What do you want for your business or career?
- What do you want for your lifestyle and life experience?
- What do you want for your spiritual life?
Working from a vision not only helps you make empowering choices, it turns on the magic of your brain. You will begin to notice opportunities and resources you hadn’t grasped before.
Your brain is a miraculous super computer, and it’s always working for you. At any given moment there are hundreds of things going on around you. You can’t possibly take it all in, so your brain does you the favor of screening out most of this activity.
It processes your environment, and serves up only what you’ve told it is important. For example, have you ever thought about buying a specific make and model of car, only to notice that make and model on the road everywhere?
Did a fleet of vehicles appear on the road overnight? No, of course not. The cars were always there. You just hadn’t told your brain that they mattered before. As soon as you did, it adjusted your filter, and voila.
When you get clear about what you want, you put the power of your mind to work for you. So get to it!
You can’t do this wrong (except not to do it at all). Answer your five questions. Start with your first response to each one. Then let that vision morph. Check in with yourself regularly, and allow the picture in your mind get more and more specific.
From there…
Step 2: Align your actions with your vision.
Your current reality is a reflection of your previous actions. #GetYourGrooveBack
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The rubber meets the road with your behavior. Is the way you’re behaving today going to get you what you want tomorrow? If it’s not, you need to make a change.
We’ve all heard of cause and effect. When you do X you produce Y.
Let’s say you want to be in a passionate, intimate, rock-your-world romance. Snapping at your mate when you walk through the door probably isn’t going to support that vision, is it? If you want to be at your ideal weight feeling sexy and energetic, pounding a bag of gummy bears every night really isn’t going to help, right?
Every outcome has a recipe. If it’s been done before, a success strategy exists to show you how to do it too. All you have to do is follow the recipe.
Let’s say you’re baking a cake. There are ingredients that need to go into the cake batter. (Since we’re speaking in specifics let’s talk red velvet cake batter. ☺ )
There are also things that do not EVER go into the cake batter. If you add veggies (though I love them) the red velvet is not going to bake up all beautiful, fluffy and ready to devour. Bottom line…
- To have what you want, you’re going to have to START doing the things that produce that outcome.And…
- To have what you want, you’re going to have to STOP doing the things that oppose that outcome.
It’s that simple, and that complicated. Simple first.
- Find people who have what you want. Find out what they’re doing. Do what they’re doing.
- Find out what they don’t do, and even what they would never do. Stop doing those things.
It gets complicated because it’s not enough to know what you need to change. You actually have to change it. Adjusting course is not easy, but it is possible. For some extra help with this, check out a 3 step formula I use with clients for change.
Once you’ve lined your behavior up with your vision, it’s time to take your final step.
Step 3: Build your focus muscles.
There are very few things in life that offer you total control. Focus is one of them. (Control freaks celebrate!) ☺
You choose what to focus on every moment of every day.
Focus is a central point of attention. The better you get at managing what you’re paying attention to, the more rapidly you create what you want. The good news is, focus is a muscle. You develop it by practicing.
Start your day with a focus. What’s your plan? (If you don’t have a plan, your first plan is to develop one.) What are you going for? What’s important? What needs to get done? From there, be ready to refocus any time you’re pulled off track. Newsflash – you are going to be pulled off track.
Your attention is a precious commodity. It’s also in high demand, and easily hooked.
Imagine you’re a fish. Every bid for your attention is like a lure thrown into the water of your life. You need to learn to bite with discernment. You only want the lures that support your vision.
The process of daily living makes this much harder than you might think. Every time you interact with another person, a lure is available to you. If you bite, your attention is hooked. Every obstacle, interruption, and stressor in your life is holding out a little fishy carrot for you to snatch. In other words, you’re fielding these suckers hourly. For example…
- You step onto the scale in the morning, and the number staring back at you pulls you into cycle of hateful self talk. Hooked.
- Your co-worker makes a remark that sets you spinning. You spend most of the day on a hamster wheel, thinking about how annoying he is. Hooked.
- Your mother-in-law sends out another “must attend” family event email, which sets you stewing. Hooked.
- You disagree with someone. You hold an imaginary argument with them in your head for the rest of the day. Hooked.
In all of these instances, an outside force diverts your attention away from your goals. Any incident that diverts your attention from what you need to be doing is a lure. Stop biting.
It’s human to have your attention hi-jacked. It happens to all of us. (Me too!) There’s nothing to feel bad about here. No beating you up.
You correct this by becoming aware of it. Catch yourself biting (or thinking about biting). Pay attention to what it feels like. Spit the lure out and refocus. Remember we’re building focus muscles. Start this week, and check out one of my other blogs for help if you’re having trouble unhooking.
You are so strong. When you get clear about what you want, align your actions with your vision, and develop your focus muscles, you’ll be unstoppable.
Thanks for stopping by this week, and thank you for your feedback. I love your emails and comments on the blog and in social media. It is my absolute mission to empower you. I want you to be the woman you were born to be. I want you to know, like and trust yourself, and I know you can!
If you’re not already part of my community, please join! I send this coaching blog and video out every Wednesday, and you’re the first to hear about what I’m up to. (I have big plans for you in the next few months!) ☺
Please BE AN ENCOURAGER! Share this blog.
Tell me what you think. What hooks you, and how do you overcome it?
Until next week,
KIM
