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Know Your Worth. Then Live Like You Know It.

By Get Your Groove Back, Set Boundaries, Top Home Videos 14 Comments

What do you believe you deserve? That’s a pretty loaded question, isn’t it? In more than 15 years working as a women’s life coach, I’ve asked it thousands of times, and I’ve received countless answers. The majority of the responses have been disheartening, and they’ve revealed a startling truth. Women (even very successful, accomplished women) doubt their deservingness.

Deservingness is not to be confused with entitlement. Entitlement is about believing you have a right to something. Deservingness is about how much you believe you’re worth.

When you doubt your deservingness, what you’re really uncertain about is whether or not you measure up. Are you good enough? (YES.) You’ve made some pretty big mistakes. Do those bad blunders make you a bad person? (NO.) Are you a good enough person to deserve good things? (YES. YOU ARE.)

Many women carry around a secret shame that impacts their feelings of self-worth and deservingness. Our stories are individual, but our core experiences are very much the same. At some point in your life, someone told you there was something wrong with you. (This is inevitable, of course, because there’s something wrong with all of us.)

It gets to dangerous and disempowering territory through repetition. If even one person in your life tells you over and over again that there’s something wrong with you, well, you can start to believe them. Being rejected or criticized hurts, and it has a cumulative effect. Read More

How To Make Guilt Work For You

By Get Your Groove Back, Set Boundaries, Top Home Videos No Comments

How often do you feel guilty?

A recent poll of parents found that both moms and dads feel guilt an average of 23 times per week. (Wow, right?) How about this stat – another survey of women found that moms feel guilt EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What about you? Are you in the guilty-every-single-day club? (It’s not really a club you would have joined on purpose, is it?) While you probably can’t get out of your membership, guilt doesn’t have to make you miserable. In today’s blog, and in our current episode of GrooveTV, I’ll teach you how to make guilt work for you.

Step 1: Understand the science of guilt.

Before we talk about how to manage guilt, let’s talk about why it’s important for you to take control of it. We begin with the obvious. Guilt feels terrible. (But you already knew that, right?)

Unfortunately, it gets much worse than just feeling bad. Guilt produces a stress response in your body, which weakens your immune system, reduces your libido, and MAKES YOU FAT. (I have your attention now, don’t I?)

There is science to how this happens. When your guilt is triggered, your body releases cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Cortisol is designed to help you with the flight part of a fight-or-flight response. But when you don’t really need to run from the saber toothed tiger (because he’s only chasing you in your head) you basically jack-up your biochemistry. (That’s a scientific description.) Read More

How To Overcome Overwhelm

By Get Motivated, Get Your Groove Back, Top Home Videos 3 Comments

Life can be difficult. (No one really prepares you for that, do they?) No one tells you that even beautiful things have their downside, or that all happy new life events come with their own brand of stress. No one tells you that if you don’t say no more than you say yes, you’ll eventually find yourself buried under a pile of someone else’s priorities. But that’s all true.

It feels terrible to be underneath the weight of things, doesn’t it? That’s what it feels like to be overwhelmed, I think. It’s like an emotional drowning of sorts, where you find yourself so stunned by the sheer volume of your workload (or the magnitude of your problem) that you’re frozen. And paralyzed, like one of those bad dreams where you try to move, but can’t.

You can.

While you don’t get a pass on dealing with overwhelm, you don’t have to live in it either. Whatever you’re facing, you CAN handle it. But before you do, it’s important to get your bearings. To do that, you need to move through your overwhelm. (Quite literally the only way out is through.)

Overwhelm feels scary, but it’s not nearly as big or bad as we make it out to be. In fact, overwhelm is just an emotion (albeit a sucky one). You will experience it. Guaranteed. It’s part of life, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re in it.

Overwhelm is actually FOR you. It’s designed to get your attention. When you feel it, rather than shrinking in fear, meet it like the messenger it’s intended to be. It’s asking you to take a look at the way you’re doing life, and make some adjustments. Read More