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Week Forty Eight – The Tenets of Personal Effectiveness: Adjust to Change

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Life is change. Nothing is static. And for many people, this reality puts them into a tailspin. Why? Because we all crave security and predictability – the one thing life is not set up to provide. When you experience change, it is normal for you to react to the possibility of losing that essence. Most of the time, reactions of this nature are based on fear and angst.

Effective people accept the inevitability of change and consciously decide how they will embrace and manage it when it arrives. The key is to identify the essential quality that you value within a specific action or experience – it’s essence – and to incorporate those qualities into the changing conditions you’re dealing with. For example, if you crave conversation and connection, and losing a job has left you feeling isolated from other people, you might consider addressing that need by broadening your social life or volunteering with a non-profit.

One Thing To Think About

Just because change may close off one route to get something you want or need, doesn’t mean you can’t still have it. Determine what the essence of that want or need is, and find alternative ways to achieve those same results.

just because change

One Question To Answer

Does your typical response to change come from a position of strength, flexibility and opportunity-seeking, or fear, loss and anger?

One Challenge To Take

Answer the following questions:

  1. What is your typical response to change?
  2. Think about something in your life that is in the midst of change or that will change very soon. What is the essence of the circumstances that have changed or are about to be modified? How does that essence serve you?
  3. What could you do to incorporate this essence in a way that serves you in the new situation you’re dealing with?
  4. Based on what you’ve discovered, what actions must you take to successfully adjust to change?

Until next time, take care!

Kim

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Week Forty Seven- The Tenets of Personal Effectiveness: Embrace Personal Responsibility

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Have you ever known someone who seemed effortlessly successful, always upbeat and perennially optimistic? The kind of people good things just seem to happen to? Do you ever wonder what makes them so effective and influential, or why some people seem to have it all together while others seem scattered and disjointed?

Over the years, I’ve come to learn that there are no secrets to success. Rather, there are simple principles of personal effectiveness that are adopted and embraced by the most fulfilled, successful people in our culture. I call these the Tenets of Personal Effectiveness, and the first one is Embrace Personal Responsibility.

No one is responsible for your life circumstances except you. Yes, people and events may impact you in ways you cannot control, but ultimately you are the only person who can decide what you do with the experiences you’ve had, the dreams you aspire to, and the actions you take each day.

The opposite of this is victim mentality, and it is one of the most debilitating mindsets I know of. It’s often caused by traumatic events in our past that made us feel besieged by fate or helpless to save ourselves. But the past is the past. Effective people don’t live in the past. They’ve learned from the past. Then they’ve let it go. They live each day in the present, with their eye on the future they wish to create.

One Thing To Think About

Don’t give your power to the past—to people who have hurt you or to the experiences that undermined your self-confidence. Step into the full magnificence of who you are, investing yourself in the belief that you can handle anything that comes your way. Then take responsibility to handle it.

don't give your power to the past

One Question To Answer

Does your typical response to life events come from a position of control and calm, measured response, or powerlessness and dramatic reaction?

One Challenge To Take

Answer the following questions:

  1. Are you allowing yourself to fall into the trap of victim mentality in any area of your life?
  2. If you were assuming full responsibility for every area of your life, what action would you take?
  3. Are there any areas of your life where you typically surrender your responsibility?
  4. Based on what you’ve discovered, what changes could you make in your current approach to personal responsibility?

Take Care of You!

Kim

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Week Forty Six- The Tenets of Personal Effectiveness: Embrace Personal Responsibility

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Have you ever known someone who seemed effortlessly successful, always upbeat and perennially optimistic? The kind of people good things just seem to happen to? Do you ever wonder what makes them so effective and influential, or why some people seem to have it all together while others seem scattered and disjointed?

Over the years, I’ve come to learn that there are no secrets to success. Rather, there are simple principles of personal effectiveness that are adopted and embraced by the most fulfilled, successful people in our culture.

I call these the Tenets of Personal Effectiveness. They are:

  • Embrace Personal Responsibility
  • Adjust To Change
  • Stay Focused
  • Surround Yourself With Empowering People
  • Make Your Habits Work For You

We’ll be discussing each of these in turn over the next five weeks. For today, I just want to make sure you understand one thing – there’s no magic here. Each of these Tenets of Personal Effectiveness is a proven strategy that will help you create greater success and take control of your life. But there are no shortcuts, either. You have to do the work.

One Thing To Think About

You’ve come a long way throughout this journey. As a result of your thoughtful self-inquiry, you are well on your way to living a life of balance and fulfillment. You know what to do. Now you must do what you know. The Tenets of Personal Effectiveness will help you do just that. These time-tested principles have worked for many of the happiest, most respected, most successful people in our society, and they will work for you too.

One Question To Answer

Which of the Tenets of Personal Effectiveness are strongly present in your life? Which ones do you struggle with?

One Challenge To Take

  1. Rate each Tenet of Personal Effectiveness on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being “I strongly manifest this in my life” and 1 being “Not present at all.”
  2. How do you feel about your answers?
  3. As you go through the next few Remodel Your Reality Challenge posts, make a commitment to working hard on bringing those ratings up, so that they’re as high as possible across the board.

Take Care of You!

Kim

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Week Forty Five – Establish Key Connections: The Seven Principles of Relating

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! Your ability to relate measures your capacity to establish connection, rapport, and intimacy with another human being. Throughout my work as a coach, I’ve studied people who are masters at relating. These people have developed deep, meaningful relationships that they’ve sustained over long periods of time.

Using those relationships as a model, I’ve created seven principles of relating. These are life-tested principles. When you use them, you will experience a more significant closeness with the people in your life.

The Seven Principles of Relating:

  • Be Willing to Risk
  • Be Available
  • Be Interested, Not Just Interesting
  • Be Who You Are
  • Don’t Make Assumptions
  • Accept Without Condition
  • Give What You Want to Receive

One Thing To Think About

nurture strong bonds

Your ability to develop and nurture strong bonds with others will allow you to enjoy true intimacy. When you integrate these seven principles into your approach to relating, your existing relationships will become more satisfying and your ability to forge new connections will improve.

One Question To Answer

Which of the seven principles are strong points for you in your relationships with others? Which need work?

One Challenge To Take

Evaluate how well you currently use each of the seven principles in your relationships. For each one, answer the following questions:

  1. How well do you apply this principle to your relationships with others?
  2. How well do you apply this principle to the relationship you have with yourself?
  3. What could you do to begin strengthening your ability to apply this principle to the relationships you have with yourself and others?

Until next time, take care!

Kim

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Week Forty Four – Establish Key Connections – Rules Of Engagement

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! In order to create a healthy relationship with yourself, you have to know you’re operating in safe territory. You can do this by establishing a set of rules of engagement to govern your self-interaction:

  • Forgive your imperfections – Rather than strive for perfection, commit to excellence. Accept who you are, embrace the life experience you’ve had, and reconcile yourself to both your strengths and weaknesses. Decide to make small improvements in your life and your person each day, and take satisfaction in your process of growth and mastery.
  • Be unconditionally constructive – Your internal dialogue, the way you speak to yourself, should be positive, affirming, and uplifting—even when you’re acknowledging a mistake you’ve made. Be clear with yourself about what needs to change, but don’t beat yourself up about the fact that you need to improve.
  • Be your own biggest cheerleader – Give yourself the gift of the confidence and support you need by being the most enthusiastic, nurturing, supportive person in your life. You will be amazed at the energy and excitement you’ll unleash within yourself.
  • Give credit where credit is due – When you commit to recognizing yourself for your accomplishments, you’ll find that you also get very good at recognizing others. Decide to give yourself this additional jolt of encouragement and acknowledgement. Your confidence will increase, and you’ll look forward to congratulating yourself each day.

One Thing To Think About

You can be your own biggest fan and supporter, or your own worst enemy. No one else’s actions can have the impact on your success that your own do, for good or ill. The position you choose to take is entirely up to you.

biggest supporter

One Question To Answer

How well does your current self-interaction follow guidelines of these rules of engagement?

One Challenge To Take

Rate yourself on the following statements, with 1 being Not At All and 5 being Absolutely.

  1. I accept my own imperfections, acknowledge that growth requires making mistakes and understand that progress is always incremental.

1                      2                      3                      4                      5

  1. I am unconditionally supportive of myself. My self-talk is positive, affirming and uplifting. I acknowledge my own mistakes or shortcomings, but with a gentle and forgiving eye.

1                      2                      3                      4                      5

  1. I am my own biggest cheerleader. I am enthusiastic about my goals and nurturing toward my needs and wants.

1                      2                      3                      4                      5

  1. I give myself credit for my accomplishments. I do not belittle my own skills or achievements, and I graciously accept recognition for what I have done.

1                      2                      3                      4                      5

Take Care of You!

Kim

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Week Forty Three – Establish Key Connections – Connect To Yourself

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! The relationship you develop with yourself will be the most pivotal connection you make in your lifetime. This is the link that allows you to understand what you want, who you are, and how you want to live your life. Your self-connection will ground you and give you a sense of certainty that will allow you to move past your social mask and beyond the bravado of ego. Your self is the core of who you are—it will always lead you down a path of joy and empowerment.

The intimacy you experience with your core forms the basis of every other relationship you have. When you accept yourself, you will more easily accept others. Your ability to like, support, and appreciate yourself will make you much more likely to like, support, and appreciate the people in your life.

One Thing To Think About

Your willingness to slow down, get still, and listen to the core of your being allows her to start communicating with you. She has answers to every question you can ask. She knows what your strengths are, and she wants to help you direct them. She understands what your weaknesses are, and she accepts you anyway. She knows, unquestionably, what you need to live a balanced, joyful, fulfilled life, and she will tell you, if only you’ll listen.

She is your guardian angel, your wisest guide, your heart’s song, your internal catalyst, the voice of your soul. She is you as your most authentic self, and she wants you to know that there is no one like you in the world. There never has been and there will never be another like you again. You are an original.

Your ability to successfully make and maintain a connection with the wise guide inside of you will catalyze you to tap, explore, and evolve your unique potential. You establish and nurture this connection by developing a relationship with yourself.

One Question To Answer

connect to yourself

One Challenge To Take

I challenge you to develop a high-quality relationship with yourself by scheduling at least one date with yourself each week for the next eight weeks. For each appointment, try one of the following options or something else that sounds like fun to you.

  • Keep a journal
  • Meditate
  • Exercise
  • Walk
  • Listen to uplifting music
  • Take an authentic outing (something you do for pure fun and indulgence)
  • Engage in old hobbies
  • Cultivate new interests

Take out your calendar now and schedule your weekly date.

As you grow accustomed to showing up for yourself, pay attention to the activities that give you a true sense of satisfaction and joy. Let go of those that don’t prove to be beneficial, and consider integrating the other activities into your routine.

Take Care of You!

Kim

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Week Forty Two – Establish Key Connections – Rich Relationships

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! At this point in your process, congratulations are in order. While the work of self-improvement is never really finished, you have started to lay the foundation that will allow you to move out into the world, continually learning, growing, and evolving, while maintaining your sense of personal balance. In this stage of personal transition you are ready to invite a heightened level of joy into your day-to-day experience. This joyful opportunity can be found in your relationships.

Interpersonal connections are the juice of life. You will have the opportunity to participate in many relationships throughout your lifetime. In my work with clients, I’ve identified what I call the Essential Six Relationships we all have in our lives: your relationship with your self, your mate, your parents or authority figures, your children or dependents, your friends and your connection to a higher power.

Each of these types of relationship addresses a unique set of needs and desires and requires a specific contribution on your part. The bonds you develop in each of these areas can support you in becoming the balanced, happy, satisfied human being you’ve decided to be.

One Thing To Think About

Investing in these Essential Six Relationships will help you meet your interpersonal needs while experiencing the joy and satisfaction of intimate connections.

One Question To Answer

Which of the Essential Six Relationships are well represented and maintained in a healthy manner in your life? Which types are not?

One Challenge To Take

Open your journal or your computer notebook, and answer the following questions.

  • Self-Connection – Do you know who you are? Do you like being with yourself?
  • Mate Connection – If you are in a committed relationship, what are you doing to contribute to the health of that connection? What are you doing to contaminate it? If you aren’t in a relationship yet, what could you do to improve the quality of your life and your connection to self?
  • Parent or Authority-Figure Connection – Do you share a nurturing connection with your parents? If you do, how can you deepen and strengthen that bond? If you do not, who could you establish a connection with to fill this role in your life?
  • Child or Dependent Connection – If you’re a parent, what are you doing to nurture your children? What are you doing that may be harming them? If you aren’t a parent, who could you invest your time in to address this relationship need?
  • Friendship Connection – Who is your best friend? Is there someone in your personal or professional circle you’d like to know better? How will you cultivate and nurture that relationship?
  • Higher-Power Connection – Are you interested in developing a relationship with a higher power? If so, what is the most effective action you could take to establish this connection?

This activity will help you to evaluate your current relationships, identify those you’d like to cultivate, and commit to those you’d like to improve.

Until next time, take care!

Kim

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Week Forty One – Stake Your Claim – Make It Happen

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! When you clearly define what you want, your brain is able to use your desires to refine the filters it will refer to when processing the information around you. As a result, you become more sensitive to both those opportunities that may have always existed in your life and any new information that could help you achieve your goals. This is called sensory acuity. (It’s the same thing that happens when you buy a new car and suddenly start seeing that make and model everywhere.)

One strategy for maximizing your results is called mapping the gapdefining and organizing the steps you’ll need to take to bridge the gap between where you are today and where you’d like to be. The mapping process is very simple, and involves three basic questions: What do you want? Where are you now? What must you accomplish to create what you want?

One Thing To Think About

The more clearly you’ve defined what you want, the more powerfully the process of sensory acuity will support you. In fact, once you clearly map the steps you need to take to breathe life into your vision, you’ll be surprised at how many resources you discover at your immediate disposal.

One Question To Answer

Can you remember experiencing sensory acuity before as a result of focusing on a need, want or event? What happened? How can you use that phenomenon to your advantage in creating the life of your dreams?

One Challenge To Take

Create your plan of action. You’ll need about one hour for this activity, either all at once or a little at a time. I asked you to suspend realism during the visioning process, but I invite you to bring it back into play for this exercise. Get real with yourself. To turn your vision into a reality, you must acknowledge where you are now and clearly define what you need to accomplish.

  1. Where are you now? Define your current circumstances.
  2. What results do you need to create to get where you want to be?
  3. Order your results. Which must you accomplish first, which second, which third, and so on?
  4. Consider your first result. What actions must you take to create the outcome you’re committed to?
  5. What resources can you draw upon to support you?

Move through this process for each of the areas of your life we discussed last week. To avoid overwhelm, prioritize your lists and commit to targeting one result at a time. This approach helps you put a manageable framework around your activities. While you’ll be making massive progress in each area of your life, your clear focus will give you a sense of emotional equilibrium and self-mastery. This is the foundation of a well-balanced life.

Take Care of You!

Kim

Kimberly Fulcher

Week Forty – Stake Your Claim: Create Your Vision

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! One thing I know to be true is that any reality you can imagine has the potential to exist. But first, you must create that vision. The most satisfied lives, the greatest accomplishments, and the most powerful contributions begin with a vision.

It’s time for you to envision your ideal life. But remember – you need to think about all areas of your life, not just one or two. A life in balance is a lot easier to keep spinning smoothly than one that’s lopsided or overweighted in one area! In my experience, crafting a vision and plan around these six key categories creates a blueprint for a life of fulfillment, satisfaction, and balance: self-care, relationships, finances, home, career, and personal growth and experiences.

One Thing To Think About

If you want to live in balance and fulfillment, you must have a vision of success for all areas of your life. Each area must have a distinct objective that contributes to your vision, well-being, and happiness, and each will depend on the others to succeed.

One Question To Answer

What areas of your life currently seem to get the most negative attention (fixing problems or dealing with stress) or positive attention (making plans, nurturing goals)? What areas do you pay the least attention to?

One Challenge To Take

Set aside between thirty and sixty minutes and consider what you want in each of the following areas of your life. Suspend realism for a moment and really connect with the desires of your heart. Don’t worry about how you’ll accomplish what you write down. For now, step into the belief system that if you can envision it you can make it happen.

  1. How do you want to take care of yourself? What will you commit to in the area of Self-Care?
  2. What kind of connections do you want to share with others? What will you create in the area of Relationships?
  3. What would your financial ideal look like? What do you want for your Finances?
  4. Imagine your ideal Home. What are you committed to developing in this area?
  5. If you could develop any kind of Career, what would you want for yourself?
  6. What kind of life experiences would you like to have? Describe your ideal for the category of Personal Growth and Experience.

Congratulations! You’ve just completed a crucial exercise! Knowing what you want is more than half of what is required to get you there. Your willingness to consider the ideal you’d like to create in each area of your life sends a powerful message to your body, mind, and spirit—the message that it’s time to stop settling. It’s time to start living the life of your dreams.

Take Care of You!

Kim

Kimberly Fulcher

Week Thirty Nine – Stake Your Claim: Get Clear

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Welcome back to the Remodel Your Reality Challenge! In my work with clients, I’ve encountered three obstacles that keep people stuck in mediocrity. Typically if one or more of these blocks is present, you’re likely to surrender to the life you have instead of working toward the life you want. These common obstacles are learned helplessness, fear, and the absence of a plan.

Learned helplessness is when an individual doesn’t believe that she can change the circumstances of her life, or she’s so afraid of what that change might bring that it becomes easier to settle for the life she has than to go for the life she wants. This is fear-based living at it’s purest.

But you can break out of learned helplessness and fear by consciously staking your claim for the life you deserve by creating a clear vision with a structured plan to guide your daily activity and adding the power of committed action to your vision and plan. This process is the most direct route to your success.

One Thing To Think About

Most people fail to create the results they want in their lives because they haven’t committed to living by a plan. Instead, they’ve allowed their fears and busyness to lull them into a settled state of learned helplessness. The good news is you aren’t most people, and you don’t have to settle.

One Question To Answer

What fears stop you from going after your dreams? If you weren’t afraid, what would you go for?

One Challenge To Take

You’re poised at a perfect cross section on the road of your life. Will you live by design or default? I challenge you to choose the path of design. The energy, focus, and enthusiasm a plan will unleash in your life will lead you to success beyond your wildest imagination.

Start by getting clear in your own mind about what you want for your life. We’ll tackle some of the steps to achieve that plan over the next few posts.

Take Care of You!

Kim