All Posts By

Kimberly Fulcher

Sep 27

How To Make Guilt Work For You

By Get Your Groove Back, Set Boundaries, Top Home Videos No Comments

How often do you feel guilty?

A recent poll of parents found that both moms and dads feel guilt an average of 23 times per week. (Wow, right?) How about this stat – another survey of women found that moms feel guilt EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What about you? Are you in the guilty-every-single-day club? (It’s not really a club you would have joined on purpose, is it?) While you probably can’t get out of your membership, guilt doesn’t have to make you miserable. In today’s blog, and in our current episode of GrooveTV, I’ll teach you how to make guilt work for you.

Step 1: Understand the science of guilt.

Before we talk about how to manage guilt, let’s talk about why it’s important for you to take control of it. We begin with the obvious. Guilt feels terrible. (But you already knew that, right?)

Unfortunately, it gets much worse than just feeling bad. Guilt produces a stress response in your body, which weakens your immune system, reduces your libido, and MAKES YOU FAT. (I have your attention now, don’t I?)

There is science to how this happens. When your guilt is triggered, your body releases cortisol, which is a stress hormone. Cortisol is designed to help you with the flight part of a fight-or-flight response. But when you don’t really need to run from the saber toothed tiger (because he’s only chasing you in your head) you basically jack-up your biochemistry. (That’s a scientific description.) Read More

Aug 16

Yes you DO know. How to listen to yourself.

By Figure It Out, Get Your Groove Back 3 Comments

There is an obstacle standing between you and what you want. It’s you. Pretending you don’t know what you want.

You know.

In fact, there’s a wisdom within you that always knows. This authentic understanding is available to you on-demand. You can tap into it at any time. The trouble (of course) is that no one ever taught you to tap into it, right?

Happily, the tapping itself is a simple process. I’ll walk you through it in our current episode of GrooveTV. Before we do that, let’s talk about the reasons you avoid knowing.

It’s possible your wisdom is buried deep down inside of you, waiting to get your attention as you run through life. Or you could be denying what you want because you aren’t sure you really deserve to have it. (If that’s the case, check out my blog Know Your Worth. It can help.)

What’s more likely (and what I’ve helped countless clients break through) is that you’re pretending you don’t know (when we both know you do) because you’re afraid you’re going to have to do something about what you know once you acknowledge it.

Admitting you don’t like your job probably means you’ll need to look for a new one sooner or later. Acknowledging your disappointment with your marriage could lead to marital trouble (or even divorce). And who wants that? Owning your self-destructive behavior might mean you have to finally clean up your act, right? Wrong.

What if I told you that you can know a thing without doing anything about what you know? You can.

In fact, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to simply hang out with your truth once you know it, without doing anything about it at all. This is the approach I take when I’m working with a 1×1 coaching client. We start the practice of knowing by stepping into a place I call the Land of Just Knowing.

This magical land is just like it sounds. When you visit, you are allowed to let yourself know (whatever it is that needs to be known) without any pressure to act on what you discover.

In this land, the knowing itself is the goal. There are no action plans or big terrifying life changes allowed here. You’re just acknowledging truth, and getting used to what it feels like again.

Let’s visit the Land of Just Knowing right now, shall we? Listening to yourself is a life saving skill. I’ll teach you how to do it in 3 simple steps. Press PLAY already. Your wisdom is waiting.

Read More

Aug 02

Resent Much? How to Let Go of a Grudge.

By Catch Breath, Get Your Groove Back 18 Comments

I’m willing to bet there’s at least one person in your life that causes you a great deal of angst. This is a person you don’t like very much, yet your circumstances require you to be around them (or to hear about them or to have to deal with them). Think co-worker, family member, or friend of a friend (who’s really a frenemy).

I call this person your anti-person. (The exact opposite of your person.) You know what’s interesting? I’ve been working as a women’s empowerment coach for 14 years, and I’ve never worked with a sister who hadn’t experienced an anti-person. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance you’re already thinking about yours as you read these words. (If so, please keep reading. I can help.)

The problem with anti-people is less about the fact that they’re in your life (although that is monumentally irritating). The problem with the anti-person is that they trigger you to enter a very unhappy zone called the grudge.

A grudge is a feeling of ill will or resentment against someone because of something they’ve done to you (or something you think they’ve done to you). It’s unexpressed, repressed emotional energy.

You may think that if you hold your tongue, stuff your feelings and pretend everything is okay (even when it’s not) things will eventually be okay. But they won’t. That’s not how it works.

Ignored emotions, don’t go away. The energy of them has to go somewhere. When not expressed, they get stored in your body, where they fester and become toxic. Repressed emotions land you in the vortex of the grudge. You do not want to be in this place.

A grudge is emotional cancer. It will take over your whole life and color it dark. It will literally steal your life force. Read More

Jun 21

How to deal with disappointment

By Catch Breath 13 Comments

I know your secret. (Don’t worry. It’s safe with me.)

You’re disappointed with your life.

It doesn’t look anything like you dreamed it would when you were a little girl, does it? No. Things have not gone according to plan. It’s not that your life is bad. It’s not. You love your friends and family. You’re blessed, and you know it. (In fact knowing how lucky you are actually makes you feel guilty for feeling dissatisfied, doesn’t it?)

Somewhere along your life path, you got the message that having disappointed feelings was not acceptable (or even ungrateful.) So when you encounter disappointments, you tamp those emotions down. You just put them in a little box and soldier on.

The problem with this approach (of course) is that your box can only hold so many ignored emotions. Sooner or later you’re going to run out of room. (And when the box blows it’s not gonna be pretty, is it?)

Worse than that, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. Which means ignoring your feelings is going to keep you stuck in disappointment-ville. And that is no place to live. Let’s move you out today, okay?

Your best days are ahead of you, and your disappointment can show you how to claim them. You can use it to direct you. In this week’s episode of GrooveTV I’m gonna teach you how to use your disappointment to create your best life. Press PLAY already. Let’s do your disappointment like we mean it.
Read More

Jun 06

What your hormonal meltdown is trying to tell you.

By Catch Breath, Get Your Groove Back 2 Comments

About once a month I act like a lunatic.

One minute I’m sad. The next I’m anxious. Then I’m irritated or feeling overwhelmed. By the end of the day, I’m tired – and eating chocolate. (I’m talking like a lot of chocolate).

Normally I’m a happy, upbeat, optimistic person. But those few days each month I am short tempered, easily offended, and irritable. (Like the dog avoids me.)

Can you relate?

I’ve been working as a life coach focused on women’s empowerment and mid-life transitions for more than a decade. I’ve seen a few hormonal rollercoasters in my day. (I’m also living one.) In this week’s episode of GrooveTV, I’m going to help you harness the wisdom of your hormonal hissy fits in 3 simple steps. Press PLAY already, and hissy less.

Read More

May 24

How To Overcome Overwhelm

By Get Motivated, Get Your Groove Back, Top Home Videos 3 Comments

Life can be difficult. (No one really prepares you for that, do they?) No one tells you that even beautiful things have their downside, or that all happy new life events come with their own brand of stress. No one tells you that if you don’t say no more than you say yes, you’ll eventually find yourself buried under a pile of someone else’s priorities. But that’s all true.

It feels terrible to be underneath the weight of things, doesn’t it? That’s what it feels like to be overwhelmed, I think. It’s like an emotional drowning of sorts, where you find yourself so stunned by the sheer volume of your workload (or the magnitude of your problem) that you’re frozen. And paralyzed, like one of those bad dreams where you try to move, but can’t.

You can.

While you don’t get a pass on dealing with overwhelm, you don’t have to live in it either. Whatever you’re facing, you CAN handle it. But before you do, it’s important to get your bearings. To do that, you need to move through your overwhelm. (Quite literally the only way out is through.)

Overwhelm feels scary, but it’s not nearly as big or bad as we make it out to be. In fact, overwhelm is just an emotion (albeit a sucky one). You will experience it. Guaranteed. It’s part of life, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re in it.

Overwhelm is actually FOR you. It’s designed to get your attention. When you feel it, rather than shrinking in fear, meet it like the messenger it’s intended to be. It’s asking you to take a look at the way you’re doing life, and make some adjustments. Read More

Apr 12

How To Figure Out What You Want

By Figure It Out, Get Your Groove Back No Comments

Is your life what you want it to be? Does it look anything like what you hoped it would when you were a little girl? If you’re like most women, it probably doesn’t. (Even if it’s pretty good.)

Life has a way of pulling you off course. It’s loud and demanding, and it takes everything you’ll give it. (You’re responsible for so many people and so many things it makes your head spin, doesn’t it?)

Typically, it’s not one big thing that moves you in the wrong direction. It’s usually the culmination of a lot of little things that do. Every time you say yes when you mean no, cross yourself off your own list (to make room for someone else) or shut your mouth when you really need to say something, you step a little further down the path of wrong.

If you do this for long enough, you can get yourself pretty lost. (Like deep-in-the-woods-without-a-compass lost.) If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. You can find your way back – to yourself and that life you used to dream about. You really can. But you have to decide what you want before you take any more steps.

Your wants function like True North on a compass. Once you’ve decided on them, they can help you decide on everything else. In this week’s episode of GrooveTV I’m gonna help you figure out what you want. We’ll do it in about 5 minutes and 3 simple steps. Press PLAY already. Your wants are waiting. (And your life is totally worth the 5 minutes, isn’t it?) Read More

Mar 01

How To Live Your Best Life

By Get Your Groove Back No Comments

Are you living your best life? Or are you (like so many women) stumbling through your days like a zombie, moving from one task to the next without a lot of thought or intention? If you haven’t made some basic decisions about the way you’re gonna do life, there’s a good chance you have a lot of zombie days.

It’s so easy to lose yourself on the gauntlet of every day living, isn’t it? You have endless responsibilities. You’re juggling deadlines, errands, meetings, and incoming requests like a champ. You take care of tons people, and keep track of millions of little details. It’s enough to make your head spin.

The thing with head spinning, is that it leads to overwhelm and emotional fatigue. Your trusty friends ignoring, autopilot, and numbing out can start looking like pretty good buddies to hang with. (Whatever it takes to get through the day, right?)

Wrong.

You’re better than that. No more zombie living for you. Let’s put a little life back into that reality of yours, shall we? In this weeks’ episode of GrooveTV I’ll help you overcome 3 common obstacles to living your best life. Press PLAY already. Let’s save the zombie action for your weekend binge watching, okay? Read More

Feb 07

How to make time for what matters.

By Get Your Groove Back No Comments

You don’t have time.

How often do you say or think those words? If you’re like most women, you say or think them a lot. Because they’re complete truth.

It’s a good bet you’re command central for your life. At home, you’re chief organizer, calendar-keeper, house manager and caretaker. You handle the big stuff like kids and financial management. You also handle the little details (the ones that keep life functioning) like groceries, errands and meals. There are a million of those little suckers, aren’t there?

Professionally you carry a similar load. If you work in an office, you do your share to support your team. If you have your own business, the whole shebang is on you. (Deep breath. You got this.) Then there’s your community. You’re involved. You support your friends and the organizations, teams, and schools that make up your life. It’s a lot. You’re busy.

Good for you.

This isn’t gonna be one of those blogs where I tell you to stop being busy, or ask you to take a break from doing things to support the people you care about. I want you to keep busily supporting away. You’re a born nurturer. Fighting that instinct, or making yourself wrong for having it, is futile. (You can argue with nature if you feel like it, but she’ll win every time.) Read More

Feb 01

How to feel more confident.

By Get Motivated, Get Your Groove Back 3 Comments

I know your secret. (Well, one of them anyway.)

You doubt yourself. Habitually.

In fact, you spend a lot of time and energy wondering if you have what it takes to have what you want in life.

You DO.

You just have to believe it for yourself.

If you’re having a crisis of confidence, I can help. You CAN believe in yourself again (or maybe for the first time). It’s gonna take a little work, but it’s completely do-able. You see, the thing about confidence (and this trips people up) is that you can’t think your way there. You have to act your way into confidence. I’ll show you how in this week’s episode of GrooveTV. Press PLAY already. Your dreams are waiting.

Step 1: Stop comparing yourself to other people.

You MUST stop comparing your real life to everyone else’s social media feed. (You know that no one’s life really looks like what they post, right?) It can be easy to fall for the false notion that everyone else has this life thing figured out, but that’s just not true. Read More